Ghosts

For a long time, we as a family did not share what we were going through. Immediate family were aware, as-well as my manager and a few colleagues.

This was only because my personal life was now impacting my ability to focus on my job.

It wasn’t until around 18 months later that other people were now noticing or becoming aware we were facing challenging times as a family.

A friend and I were recently discussing this.

Unfortunately, my friend had lost her partner in an accident around 10 years ago. This loss left her devastated and grieving for a very long period. Longer than others felt was “normal”.

We were discussing my family’s situation and my daughter’s battle. When my friend raised a point that has stuck with me ever since.

Which was around isolation.

She shared with me how some of her friends and people in her life at the time had almost made her feel that she needed to stop grieving.

That enough time had passed, that she should be able to continue with her life despite the devastation of her partners death.

The notion that it was becoming a burden for them to listen to her, to support her through the most challenging and devastating time of her life. She now felt she couldn’t grieve the way she needed to.

That she needed to hide the true impact this was having on her, her own mental health and well-being.

This continued for years.

It resonated deeply with me as even though our situations were so very different. We both felt that sharing our truth was somehow being dismissed.

Or not even dismissed, that we had reach our quota with these friends/ associates/ family members.

We discussed because of these responses, we start to mask our feelings and put on a “brave face”, as this is easier for those around us.

You start feeling like that’s what people would prefer of you or for them to start to see from you, as they’re sick of seeing and hearing how sad you are feeling.

I have learnt through the last two plus years, those who I thought cared about my daughter, our family and I, did not infect care at all.

Those who I thought may reach out were nowhere in sight.

I had posted on Facebook a very personal post sharing what we had been going through a few months ago. I titled it a “parents’ plea” as I was at breaking point. This was the realisation that confirmed for me I did not have many people I could count on in the most challenging time of my life, my daughter’s life.

Those I thought we had mattered too were silent.

I did learn that there were amazing people in my Facebook circle. Caring, thoughtful, kind people that offered suggestions and showed compassion.

But the ones I had previously depended on were ghosts…