Acceptance

One of the most difficult parts of this journey for myself as a parent has been acceptance. Acceptance that my child is now experiencing significant impacts to her mental health and wellbeing because of bullying/ online bullying. That this is real, and it is her day to day life, her daily struggle.

There were early signs that something “wasn’t right” with my daughter but she was also entering puberty and getting ready to transition into high school. This alone was enough to create a change in her emotions and behaviours.

Some of the signs were moodiness, withdrawing from her presence in the home (staying in her room a lot), sleeping more than usual, her phone was now a huge presence in her day-to-day routine, changes in personality. All still symptoms of a hormonal young person transitioning into a teenager.

I am ashamed to admit this, but it took longer that I would like to admit realising something was wrong. We had been made aware of a private photo she had shared at the end of primary school being screen shotted and shared amongst her social group. This was to my knowledge the starting factor for rumours, bullying and online bullying. The starting factor where her mental health was now being impacted.

The acceptance factor enters this equation again, as I had allowed her to have social media. I had not put in place screen time. Yes, I had monitored her phone, but not to the extent that I should have.

I acknowledge this responsibility lies with me as her mother.

I still carry this weight as a burden, a shame. I feel I will forever carry this responsibility, because as her mother, I too had let her down.

I had not safeguarded her.

I had not adhered to my protective factors as her parent.

Social media came into play with my daughter because of COVID (no excuse). It was a way for her to communicate with her friends. As all our children were home schooled and detached from there “normal world”.

They were isolated.

In the beginning it was great.

All we saw was positive interactions with friends. Small groups interacting and connecting in an uncertain world.

Infectious laughter spilling out of her room, kitchen, lounge room. As she shared with us the funny topics they would discuss, we would hear it.

My child was happy.

Parents only wish, right?

I do not regret that time of her being able to access one social media platform, but I do regret not putting safety measures in place to ensure efficient protection for my daughter.

I have been down the repeated path as all of us do for certain aspects of our lives.

I wish I knew now what I did then.